The Only Way is Through
- Kylee Gies
- 2 days ago
- 3 min read
Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, a bereaved mother, psychologist, and author I revere, once said, “You can hide from grief, but you cannot hide from the consequences of hiding from grief. They will inevitably make themselves known.”
It couldn’t be truer. We all figure this out our own way in our own time on our own path. Wherever you are on your path is okay. It’s where you are at. Accepting this is a huge mini awakening. It might not feel ‘okay’, yet in the bigger picture, it’s a journey of the sacred heart.
When grief comes crashing down, knocking at the door, or sneaks up like a ninja, we can find ourselves in a familiar place once again. The feelings……the emotions...…. the stories……the fatigue….. the pain of loss….the relationships….the self-shaming reactions….ALL of it…
….reveals itself again in one way or another. Grief organically emerges as an innate part of the human experience. Its untamed wild nature can become a force to humbly dance with as we are faced with vital choices to sink or swim when navigating our own suffering and path to wellness.
Where and how does grief insist on spending time with you? Identifying this is a great first step to initiating your way through, no matter how long it takes. This is not a linear process. It is deep heart work.
Grief may primarily spend time in your thoughts and mental formations while you try to ‘figure it out’ repeatedly. It may be very strong in your temperament, emotional, or nervous system . Grief may feel like it’s taking over the body and wreaking havoc within you anywhere from the tissues to the surface of the skin. Wherever it makes itself known, RE:MEMBER…..
In the grief spiral, the one consistent opportunity to move toward healing transformation is ‘choice’.
As a person with abundant loss and trauma in my life, I’ve learned that grief is not a choice, but rather how you relate and interact with it IS a choice. 100%.
Will you run? Hide? Numb? Fight? Avoid? Freeze? ….. or choose personal growth? ask for support? Be in presence? Seek healing? You might feel open to leaning in, but don’t know how and fall back into avoidance somehow. No judgement here. I’ve been there.
When we choose to avoid grief, we inadvertently create more suffering for ourselves, and the cycle continues until we are willing to go through it.
George Bonanno says, “We are not accustomed to thinking of grief as a process of finding comfort”.
By virtue of being deeply connected to ourselves, each other, and nature, grief is a companion and teacher we cannot avoid. When we give space and presence for grieving, we can purify our pain and open channels to experience more joy. We can touch our own life force in a new way when we are not burdened by the weight of the unacknowledged. This kind of heart work brings more happiness and peace within ourselves and the collective.
If you are seeking support to help guide your way through, Sacred Dwelling has your back. You can book a free discovery call with me. You can also sign up for the Grief Support Community Emails.
May you have the courage you need to find your way through,
💜, Kylee
Grief Doula | Creative Grief Support
Owner of Sacred Dwelling
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